It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
