peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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