Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
