I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
