I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
wanna go halves on a baby?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
