Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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