I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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