I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
