Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Randomize
