She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
