oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
