i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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