I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
