2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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