Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
