Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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