Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
