So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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