I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
