I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
