its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
