Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
