I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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