You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
