P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
