I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
