If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
