She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
