he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
