it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
