Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
