I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
