i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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