I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
