your room smells of hookers.
And success
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
