Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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