She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
