On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
