if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
