nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
