But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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