Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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