Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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