it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Pooping to opera.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
