SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
