i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
