so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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