Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
