Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
