So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
