Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
