She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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