At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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