He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
