He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
